


Slow down!

by secretagentspydetectiveninja



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: EVERYONE IS ACE AND YOU CANNOT STOP ME, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, I wrote and posted the last 7 chapters all in one go because I don't know the meaning of sleep, Kim gets roasted by everyone, LOTS of fluff probably, Slow Burn, Somehow, a very ridiculous plot, i have no idea how i'm going to do this i'm sorry, oh my gosh I actually finished this??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretagentspydetectiveninja/pseuds/secretagentspydetectiveninja
Summary: My friend dared me to write a heartrate fic and I'M NOT BACKING DOWN





	1. I can't believe I'm actually doing this

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elise my cool friend](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Elise+my+cool+friend).



> My honourary fandom little sister Elise (@colourfulheroes on tumblr) and I were having a weird conversation involving laser hands and it resulted in her challenging me to write a slow burn heartrate fic. Yeah, that ship. My brotp. The only two idiots in the class who don't even know the meaning of the word "slow". WELL BUCKLE UP EVERYONE BECAUSE I'M GONNA GO FOR IT ANYWAY :D
> 
> (Also happy birthday Elise!!!) (And I got my revenge by challenging her to draw Kimax, so there)

“I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you here today,” Max said to his two classmates standing in front of him. He had dragged them all the way to the airport for this, and neither of them looked very happy about it. They would be even less happy when they found out what this was for, and he knew it.

“Don’t use the word ‘bet’ in front of this idiot unless you’re prepared to face the consequences,” said Alix, pointing a finger in Kim’s direction.

“Don’t be stupid,” Kim snapped. “You know perfectly well that Max is extinct from any of my challenges.”

“Extinct? Are you sure that’s the right word?”

“Whatever! You know what I mean!”

“Anyway,” Max said loudly, stepping between them, “I am going to be on holiday for the entire duration of the summer holidays, and therefore I won’t be around to prevent you two from strangling each other. So in order to save you both from either death or a hefty prison sentence, I am issuing you a challenge. One that will hopefully keep you from committing murder until I get back.”

“If you’re gonna do that ‘who can be quiet for the longest’ thing again then I may as well tell you now that I’m not taking part,” Alix said.

“No, not that. This challenge is something unique. Between now and the eight weeks when I get back, you are going to be doing something rather more intellectual for once.”

“Oh good, ‘cause I’m way smarter than Kim.”

“Will you be quiet and let me finish? Anyway, by the time I get back, I want you two to have written something. A story. It’ll have to be at least 30,000 words. And you can’t just write about anything, either. It’ll have to be…” He took a deep breath, knowing his friends were going to hate this. “…fanfic.”

Kim laughed. “Fanfic? That’s easy. I could write a million words about that dinosaur from Jurassic Park taking over the world and eating everyone. This is gonna be awesome.”

“Actually, you are not going to be writing fanfic about Jurassic Park. You are going to be writing fanfic about real life people. Specifically, this class.”

“Oh, you mean like Nathaniel does?” Alix said. “That’s still easy. He once wrote me a story where I beat up Kim, it was awesome. I could totally do something like that.”

“There are actually even more requirements to this fanfic,” Max said, internally preparing himself for some very aggressive reactions. “It will have to be what they call a ‘slow burn’ fic. You know, a fic about the slow and natural forming of a romantic relationship.”

The reactions followed very quickly. Alix stepped back saying, “Ew ew ew ew ew!” while Kim put his hands on his hips and said, “Max, if you’re trying to get me to learn how to be nice to people or something, there are other ways of doing it!”

“I’ve already made up my mind, you’ll have to do it,” Max said. “Unless you refuse the challenge, in which case the other person will win by default.”

“Fine, I’ll do your stupid challenge,” Alix said, glaring at him. “But I’m gonna write it about Marinette and Adrien. I’m not the only one seeing something between those two, right?”

“Well I’m writing mine about Marinette and Adrien too, so there!” Kim said.

“Actually,” Max said, fully preparing to be punched in the face at any moment, “I’ve already decided who you’re going to be writing about. It’s going to be… well… you two.”

For a few seconds they just stared at him in disbelief. Then, to his immense surprise, Alix burst into laughter. Well, to be fair this was a rather preposterous challenge he was issuing them. It made sense that she would find it absurd enough to laugh at. It was better than being punched, anyway.

“Max, that’s impossible and you know it!” she said. “For starters, I’m actually asexual, so–”

“I know perfectly well that you’re ace, considering you make puns about it an average of 3.5 times per hour. But that doesn’t mean you can’t like someone, does it? Anyway, all that matters is that you two have to be in a proper, willing, romantic relationship by the end of the fic. It doesn’t mean you have to be 100% in love or that you have to write smut or anything. You’ll just have to be creative.”

“This is stupid!” Kim whined. “Why would I ever even think of… you know… ugh, no! She’s so tiny and annoying and weird!”

“And she can also hear you perfectly well,” Alix said, stepping around Max and hitting Kim in the arm. “But for once you have a point. Max, this is impossible. Unless these fics end up ridiculously out of character.”

“I wouldn’t suggest doing that,” Max said. “At the end of the eight weeks, I will read both fics and be judging on how well-written they are, how in-character they are, and how realistically the relationship has developed. And please keep it T-rated at most. I don’t want to have to pour bleach into my eyes.”

“But Maaaaaax!” Kim pulled on his shirt sleeve. “Why are you even doing this?”

“I’m hoping it’ll teach you two the long-lost art of getting along with people in a polite, civil manner. And if you’re working on a non-violent challenge all summer, with all your annoyance directed at me rather than each other, then you might actually not kill each other. It would be nice.”

“Well I’m not talking to her all summer then, that’s for sure.”

“Oh, and another thing,” Max said, wondering if this would be the final straw that would get him punched after all. “I’m sick of you two constantly being at each other’s throats at school too, so you’ll have to learn to tolerate each other by the time I get back. Meet up once a week and show each other your progress on your stories. That way you can also make sure that the fics you’re writing won’t end up too similar. I’d like a bit of variety to read through, thank you.”

There was another silence for a few seconds. Then he quickly stepped away when he saw Alix curling up a fist.

“You know, Max, you’d better hurry up and get on that aeroplane before I commission Nath to write a fic about your tragic death…”

“And you’d better not have any more rules for this challenge!” Kim added, folding his arms. “Honestly, if I stop considering you my best friend after this then that’s completely your fault!”

Max shrugged. “Hey – you can always just refuse the challenge, that’s still an option.”

“I never forfeit a challenge!”

“And I’m not surrendering to this idiot!”

That had been just what he expected to hear. He picked up his luggage and started walking off. “Good luck then, and see you in eight weeks!”

The furious expressions on his friends’ faces as he left caused him to wonder if he was even doing the right thing. Or if this would even work! But he had to try. Those two being rivals was just constantly giving him a headache. They needed to learn to get along _somehow_ , so why not this? Hopefully this wouldn’t backfire terribly.

 

 

 

Kim sat at his computer desk with a blank document open in front of him, thinking hard. What was he even supposed to write? He had never been good at creative writing. The only things he liked to write about were action stories, where people were going on adventures and fighting aliens or whatever. Not some stupid sappy love story about himself and the only girl in his class he would never consider in a million years!

But this was a challenge, wasn’t it? If there was one thing Kim was good at, it was winning challenges. Okay, so he had never actually won a challenge against Alix before. But there was always a first time for everything. This time he would actually try hard, and actually win. He was best friends with Max, the cleverest guy in school, so surely that intelligence must have rubbed off on him. This couldn’t be too difficult.

He typed a few words.

_Once upon a time…_

Now what? He was already stuck. His brain kept reminding him of all the cool things he could be doing right now – going to play basketball with Adrien, going to Marinette’s bakery and playing video games with her, going for a run, anything! Even doing homework was better than this! Why should he waste his time on something so stupid? He wasn’t like Nathaniel, he didn’t enjoy this kind of thing!

Wait… Nathaniel! Of course! That guy was an expert at writing stories about the class. He was always being creative – drawing little comics, writing drabbles, all that sort of thing. It would be easy for him.

Would getting his help be considered cheating? Well, Kim didn’t care. It wasn’t like anyone would find out. At least this way it was a win-win situation. Nath would get to have fun writing more fanfic, Kim would have time to do whatever he wanted and only have to meet up with the tiny pink goblin once a week, and he would probably end up winning the challenge. Perfect!

He picked up his phone and called Nath’s number. Luckily he still had it after having to do a class project with him one time.

“Hello?”

Nath’s voice was always so quiet and hesitant. Kim just didn’t understand how anyone could be like that. Wasn’t it more fun to be loud?

“Nath, I need your help with something,” he said. “Something really stupid and weird, but uh… basically, I want to commission you to write a fanfic.”

He could almost hear Nath smiling on the other end. “A fanfic? Okay, I’m listening…”

 

 

 

Alix, too, was sitting in front of an empty computer document, banging her head against the screen. Was she going to get akumatized again? Hopefully. That would be way better than this.

Honestly, if Max wanted her to get along with Kim, there were better ways to do it! He could have just dared them to be friends with each other. That would work. Maybe that way Kim would stop being an annoying jerk to her all the time. Why was he like that, anyway? He was probably just jealous at her for always beating him at his own challenges.

Well, she would beat him at this one too, no matter how stupid it was. Now she just had to get her brain to come up with ideas!

_There was once a really stupid guy called Kim, and he for some reason fell in love with the coolest girl in his class, and she dated him for like one day. The end._

No, that wasn’t 30,000 words. And it wasn’t exactly “slow burn”, either. Ugh, she just hated writing stupid romantic nonsense!

Okay, so being ace didn’t mean she didn’t get attached to people. Of course she did. And if she was attached enough to someone that she would willingly jump into a volcano for them, then dating them was no problem. It would make them happy and she’d get to hang out with them more – where was the downside? If she liked someone enough then she would do it, even if stupid lovey-dovey stuff was not her thing.

But just not _Kim_ , of all people! Couldn’t it have been anyone else in the class? Anyone at all? Even Chloé? Kim was just the _worst!_ He was so annoying! Always picking on her, always challenging her to more of his idiotic dares and then being a sore loser when he inevitably lost…

She just couldn’t think of any good things about him at all, no matter how hard she tried. In that case, how was she supposed to write a fic where she actually ended up liking him? It was impossible with a guy that horrible! She needed to get someone’s help with this. But who?

Marinette? No, Marinette was friends with Kim, she would tell him that Alix was totally planning to cheat on this challenge, and that would be humiliating. Adrien? No way, Adrien was far too busy with all the stuff his father was making him do. Juleka? Rose? Both of them were just a little _too_ sappy. Alix did not want to have to gouge out her eyes after reading the fic.

What about Lila? Lila was always making up stories about her life, things that seemed a tiny bit far-fetched but mostly believable. That was just perfect! A slightly far-fetched but still in-character story was exactly what was needed.

Alix picked up her phone and sent Lila a message.

_Hey, can we meet up at some point? I need to ask you a favour._

Lila always kept her phone on her to keep in touch with all her adoring fans, so the reply arrived quickly.

_Of course! What did you need me to do? :)_

How to put this? Something like ‘Well you’re a liar so you’ll be good at writing cheesy fanfic’ would not be tactful. She’d have to be a bit more subtle.

_I need your creativity to help me out with a challenge. You’re pretty much the only one who can help._

There, that was better! And Lila seemed to think so too.

_Sure, I’ll help you, whatever it is! This reminds me of that time I helped Jagged Stone write a hit single. Let me know when you want to meet up!_

The Jagged Stone thing was almost certainly a lie. But then again, that was a good thing. Lies and creativity were just what Alix needed right now. Maybe she would win this challenge after all!


	2. This is so salty omg I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I promise I didn't forget about this or give up on this... I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!! >:D

“So lemme get this right,” said Nath, sitting at his homework desk with Kim beside him and an open laptop in front of him. “Max challenged you to write a 30k slow burn fic about you and Alix, as a way to kickstart a friendship, and you don’t want to do it so you’re commissioning me to secretly write it all for you.”

Kim nodded, sure he hadn’t heard Nath speak so much in his entire life. “It’s stupid, I know, but I’ve got some pocket money so like I can totally afford to pay you for it…”

Nath just stared for a few seconds. Then he burst into laughter.

“So are you gonna help me or not?” Kim asked. This was bizarre – he was pretty certain he had never heard Nath laugh before, and it was a little unsettling.

“Oh – that’s hilarious…” Nath wiped a few tears out of his eyes, catching his breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just… what was Max thinking?! He must have a lot of faith in you…”

“Of course he does. I’m his best friend.”

“And you’re just going to betray him by hiring me to do your challenge for you. Excellent. Listen – I’ll do it for free.”

Kim blinked. “What?”

“I know, I know, I hate it when people don’t pay me for art or writing. But this? This is the funniest thing I’ve had the opportunity to write in a long time, like a breath of fresh air! A slow burn fic about the only two kids in our class who don’t know the meaning of the word slow…”

“Of course I do!” said Kim. “It’s the opposite of fast.”

“I meant it symbolically, Kim.”

“Symbol… what?”

Nath sighed. “Well your _brain_ certainly seems to be a bit on the slow side, even if the rest of you isn’t… I’ll have to factor this lack of vocabulary into my writing style…”

“Anyway,” Kim said quickly, suspecting that Nath might have been insulting him, “what’s the plot gonna be and stuff? I have to meet up with the little pink monster once a week and show her the story progress so far, so I at least gotta know what it’s about.”

“Let’s brainstorm together. That way you won’t be 100% cheating. Right, so common slow burn tropes, let’s see… there’s always the good old coffee shop AU?”

“I would never buy coffee from her, she’d probably try to poison me,” Kim muttered, folding his arms.

“Alright then, not that one. I can’t imagine either of you successfully getting hired to work in a coffee shop anyway. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Right, what else…”

This was no fun. Kim got the distinct feeling that Nath was mocking him somehow, though he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Why were quiet people always so good at making you feel like an idiot compared to them? It was so annoying!

“Soulmate AU?” Nath suggested next.

“Ew, no. That’s out of the question. The only way she’s my soulmate is if she’s my enemy-soulmate, you know, like Link and Ganon. Next idea please.”

Nath grinned, an evil little grin that looked very out of place on him. “What about a fake dating AU? Pretending to have a relationship for whatever reason, and somewhere along the line it turns into a real relationship. Perfect for slow burn, and especially for people who – uh – would otherwise refuse to get past their differences in a civil manner.”

Kim was rather having enough of Nath’s little jabs at him – “quick burns”, perhaps – so he just said, “Fine, we’ll go with that. Now get on with the first chapter and send it to me when it’s done. And make sure you make me really cool in the story, way cooler than her.”

“Don’t worry, I will,” said Nath. “After all, this story’s supposed to be written by you, right? I’ll have to make it seem more self-centred than my usual impartial style.”

Self-centred?!

“Bye,” Kim snapped, picking up his bag and walking out of the door. He could have sworn he heard Nath giggling away behind him. Stupid emo art nerd.

 

 

Almost at the same time, Alix and Lila were in a very similar situation, though much more amicable.

“This is going to be so much fun!” Lila said, flipping her long hair over her shoulder and opening her laptop. “I love writing stories! And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you’re cheating on this – I’m _very_ good at lying.”

Obviously. Everyone knew that by now. It was always hard to tell whether Lila was actually telling the truth or not.

“So, got any ideas?” she continued, clacking her long nails on the table while she waited for her laptop to turn on.

“Yeah, actually,” Alix said. “I always kinda wondered why Max didn’t just dare me and Kim to be nice to each other – it would’ve worked on an idiot like him, you know it would.”

Lila chuckled. “And it would have worked on you, too!”

“Well… yeah… I don’t like losing challenges to him, so…”

“This sounds like a great start to the story. Max challenges you two to be nice, you begin doing that, somewhere along the line the compliments become more and more sincere as you realize each other’s good points, and the friendship becomes real, and it blossoms into–”

“And don’t make it too mushy,” Alix said quickly. “For starters I can’t stand stuff like that, and also no one would believe I actually wrote it if you made it overly sappy or something stupid like that.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll make sure to write in your style! I’m pretty good at impersonation. This one time, I wrote such a cleverly written story that everyone believed it was an academic text, can you believe?”

Yes, for once she really could believe it. People were very gullible sometimes. Lila had fooled plenty of people before, and she’d do it again.

“Thanks for agreeing to help me,” Alix said.

“No problem at all,” Lila said, winking. “It’s an honour. I’ll write the first chapter as soon as possible and send it to you once it’s done. When do you need it by?”

“Not sure, I’ll have to see when me and Kim are gonna have the first meetup…”

Alix pulled her phone out of her pocket and, rather reluctantly, sent a text to Kim.

_If Max is making us meet up every week then I’m always free on Saturday afternoons. In the library, please, so no one there will recognize me and ask me why I’m hanging out with a loser like you._

Okay, maybe that hadn’t been very polite. But so what? He was never polite to her, so why should she be? His reply arrived quicker than she expected.

_Fine, whatever._

“The meetup is on Saturday afternoon,” she said to Lila.

“Nice! The first chapter will definitely be done by then, don’t you worry. In fact, I’m going to get started right now!”

Cracking her knuckles, Lila began typing away on the laptop. Alix peered over her shoulder to have a quick look.

_Max stood before his two friends, looking rather grumpy. “I’ve had it with your stupid rivalry! It’s time to end this once and for all. I have a challenge for you and you’re not going to like it, but you’ll have to do it.”_

That was eerily similar to how things had actually happened. Was Lila just that good at reading people? Well, that was a good thing. It meant that Alix had a chance at winning this challenge after all.

 

 

 

The first meeting did indeed take place on Saturday afternoon in the library. Kim had only ever been here before with Max so he felt a little lost. Everyone else in here was such a nerd! What was he supposed to do? Where was he supposed to go? Libraries were an entirely different world to him.

It was almost a relief when he spotted that familiar mess of pink hair sitting in a corner, waiting for him – at least Alix was someone he knew, even if she was an annoying pesky midget most of the time.

“I don’t want to waste my time so just read it and go,” Alix said, shoving an open laptop at him as he came to sit down.

“Yeah, let’s just get this over with.” He opened up his own laptop and loaded the document that Nath had sent him. He’d had a read through it earlier and it seemed pretty good. Nath really was a good writer.

The two of them read through each other’s stories in a frosty silence. Kim couldn’t help thinking that Alix’s story was rather well-written – it seemed like something that could easily have happened in real life. It wasn’t perfect, though.

“No offence but this plot is stupid,” Alix said having finished first. “And by no offence, I mean full offence.”

“Shush, I’m still reading!”

“Jeez, you’re slow. Get a move on.”

Kim had never been a quick reader, especially when people were telling him to hurry up. It was one of the few things in life that he was slow at, and he hated it.

“Alright, I’m done,” he said a minute later.

“Good. Now listen. First off, why the hell would I fist-fight you in a lift? I could just do it in public where everyone could watch me beat you up. Secondly, pretending we were on a date to avoid getting into trouble when caught having said fist-fight is also stupid, though I guess that’s why you’re the one who suggested it in the story–”

“Well I had to think of something!” Kim snapped. “And what about your story, huh? Max challenging us to be nice to each other? This is unrealistic because you’d lose straightaway.”

“Hey, I can be plenty nice!”

“No you can’t!”

“Yes I can!”

“No you–”

“Anyway,” she said a little too loudly for a library, “I do actually have some constructive criticism if you want. I don’t want my character being butchered into some inaccurate nonsense, okay?”

“Fine, just tell me…”

She scrolled up to the relevant part and highlighted it with the mouse. “I’m actually 4’8, not 4’7.”

“Yeah, that’s _real_ helpful, thanks.”

“Shut up. Also I keep my pocket watch wrapped in protective bubble-wrap these days so I wouldn’t even need to bother putting it aside before beating the crap out of you.”

“Super duper.”

“And I don’t have pigtails. My hair is only tied up on one side. You’d know this if you actually paid attention to anything besides yourself, ever.”

What?! How could Nath have missed that? Kim looked down at this stupid munchkin to see that her hair really was only tied up on one side, and he’d never even noticed. Did Nath know that somehow? Damn, that guy was smart.

“Now do you have any constructive criticism for me?” Alix continued.

“Uh yeah, totally,” Kim said, his brain scrambling to think of something that sounded vaguely smart. “Well like… Max doesn’t actually do my homework for me, so there! I’m smarter than I look and you can jot that down!”

“Okay,” she said, getting out a little pencil and notepad and writing something on it.

“Wait, are you… are you actually jotting that down?”

“Duh.” She glared at him. “I want to win, don’t I? My story’s gotta be as realistic as possible. So yeah, fine, you do your own homework and you’re not a 100% idiot. What else?”

“Oh, um…”

He hadn’t realized she was going to take anything he said seriously, or even listen to him at all. Did she have a small amount of respect for him then? At least enough not to just dismiss him outright, it seemed.

“Me and Ivan are actually kinda neutral towards each other now,” he said. “I don’t make fun of him anymore, so you can jot that down too.”

“That’s a relief to hear. Ivan is one of the few people in this class who isn’t scared of me.”

“I’m not scared of you either!”

“Then why would you be insecure enough to fight me in a lift? Why not in public, like all your other challenges?”

Ouch. Why was everyone ripping into him so much lately? And just when he’d been starting to respect her back, too. Of course he wasn’t scared of her. Okay, so she was a tiny bit intimidating. And she had the most murderous death glare ever. And was far stronger and faster than she looked. And seemed like the kind of person to hang around in dodgy alleyways, taking people’s money. And then there was her akuma form…

But he wasn’t scared of her. Nope.

“I would fight you in a lift because I wouldn’t want you to be humiliated in front of loads of people when you lose,” he said finally.

“And you think fighting someone my size is a fair fight?”

“Well yeah, I mean… you’re like…”

How to put this? If he told her she was strong, that would sound like a compliment! Though judging by the sudden grin on her face, she seemed to be taking it as a compliment anyway…

“Yeah, I’m tougher than a bed of nails,” she said. “Anyway, is that all? Because I’ve got better things to be doing with my time than talking to you. Like, you know, doing literally anything else. So if that’s all then I’ll be off now.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” He wasn’t keen on talking to her for much longer either, and anyway, he had run out of things to complain about from her story. It really was very good.

“Nice. See you next week, I guess.”

She took her laptop away with her when she left. Kim could see a couple of nearby nerds giving him rather unimpressed looks. Whoops, perhaps their conversation had been a little loud. Kim knew he didn’t exactly have an indoor voice.

Right. What now? He had to call Nath and tell him about the amendments that needed to be made to the story. 4’8, bubble-wrap, not-pigtails. Huh, maybe he could get some of that stuff into the next chapter too. It would be cool. And making his story more realistic was the number one way to winning Max’s challenge.

And seriously… Alix had a small amount of respect for him after all? That had been a pleasant surprise. Well, they were just class rivals, not warring empires or anything. It made sense she wouldn’t think the complete worst of him. And he was pretty cool, he knew that. Of course she respected him. Good.


	3. I may or may not have been procrastinating on this while writing other stuff, I'm sorry Elise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm never giving up on this till it's done. NEVER. Who says Kim is the only one who will win a challenge no matter the cost? >:D

Alix had almost forgotten about the challenge during the next week, only remembering on Friday night when Lila sent her the second chapter of the story ready for Saturday’s meeting. She had a quick read through it. Right… apparently in the fic she and Kim had made a challenge out of being nice to each other in Max’s presence and the compliments were starting to get out of hand, though they still hated each other secretly… okay, that was actually pretty realistic. Surely she’d definitely win the challenge with a fic like this!

Saturday’s meeting was much like the previous one had been. She met up with Kim in the library, was glared at by every nerd in the vicinity for being a little loud, and they read through each other’s stories in silence.

“Are you finished yet?” Alix asked once she was done, knowing she was a much quicker reader.

“No, shush.”

“Okay…”

She waited for a bit longer. For a guy who was always bragging about being fast, Kim could be pretty slow sometimes.

“Alright, I’m finished,” he said finally.

“Good. First things first, I wanna say thank you for including my correct height this time. I guess sometimes you do actually listen to things I say.”

“Well yeah, duh, I’m just trying to make the story realistic!”

“It’s still not as good as mine, though. But you know what? It’s not half bad actually.” She hoped she wouldn’t regret saying that. The truth was, she was actually quite enjoying reading through his story, as stupid as it was. She may as well let him know. His ego was so big that giving him compliments was always a dangerous game, but hey – she was a much nicer person than him, of course, so why not prove it by being polite? It might make this more tolerable.

He looked rather smug for a few seconds, but his expression quickly changed to something like annoyance. He looked away and said, “I guess your story’s okay too. And more accurate than last time, now that you’ve stopped acting like I’m completely dumb…”

Oh, true. Lila had made sure to get in that Kim did his own homework and knew at least some big words. He was still an idiot, though.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Alix said. “Just ‘cause you’re slower it doesn’t mean you’re dumb.”

“Hey! I’m not slower!”

“Oh really? Remember that time on my birthday when we had that race and I won?” She hated thinking about her birthday usually, but using it to make fun of Kim was an exception.

“No, I don’t remember actually, because it was in a different timeline. All I remember is a supervillain showing up and stopping the race before we could finish, so according to me, there is no proof that you’re faster.”

“I could easily prove it.”

“Then let’s have a rematch!!!”

Kim had no indoor voice, and several people nearby turned to glare at him with their fingers on their lips.

“Rematch,” he repeated, a little quieter. “Right now. You go get your skates, I’ll meet you at the Trocadero, and I’ll prove to you I’m faster.”

Really? He wanted a rematch? He was just going to easily lose again, obviously. Alix almost felt sorry for him.

“Fine,” she said. “I’ll see you there.”

 

Not too long later, she arrived at the Trocadero with her skates and helmet on. Kim was already there, jogging on the spot to warm up. It was weird being here doing a challenge without Max standing between them to be the judge. Hopefully no akuma attacks would happen this time.

“Oh, you _finally_ made it!” Kim said, pointing at her in a very over the top anime way. It looked ridiculous.

She ignored him and grabbed a random nearby kid she vaguely recognized from school. “Hey you. Be the referee judge guy in our race, okay?”

The random kid nodded, looking somewhat terrified. Jeez, why was everyone so scared of her all the time? Even when she wasn’t trying to be scary? At least that was one of Kim’s very few positive traits. He was way too much of a fool to be scared of anyone, even when that was a bad thing.

The referee kid lined them up at the starting line and then, hands shaking, began the race. It was over quickly.

“I told you I’m faster!” Alix called from the finish line, waiting for Kim to catch up. He looked livid. “And I swear to god, if you be a sore loser like you were in the timeline you don’t remember, I’ll bash your head in–”

She stopped abruptly when she realized that the referee kid was looking mortified. He backed away slowly until he was almost out of sight, then turned around and began sprinting. Seriously, why was he scared? Alix wasn’t _really_ going to bash anyone’s head in, she just talked like that!

Kim had finally reached the finish line. He stopped to catch his breath for a few seconds, then spoke. “Yeah, well done for winning and whatever.”

What? But… wasn’t he annoyed?

“Don’t look at me like that!” he snapped. “I lost today, but I’ll just train more and be faster and beat you the next time! Don’t act so _shocked_ that I’ve maybe stopped being a jerk recently, honestly… everyone else has been noticing my efforts, except for you apparently…”

“Oh… um… good for you then. Sorry. And it was a good race.”

He looked at her, perplexed.

“Well I’m not going to be a sore winner!” she said. “Unlike you, I never was a jerk in the first place.”

“That’s debatable.”

“No it’s not, I…” She trailed off, remembering that maybe she hadn’t always been all that nice in the past. To Kim, at least. Though he was definitely the one who started it.

“Anyway, I’ve got other stuff to be doing,” Kim said. “Thanks for the race. I’ll see you next week.” He left without waiting for a reply.

Hmm. Okay. So he wasn’t a sore loser. Or at least, he wasn’t one anymore. He definitely had been before. She had even told Lila about it. Time to change that, then.

_Hey Lila, just had a race against him and turns out he’s not a sore loser anymore so uh… yeah. Put that in if it’s relevant. He’s not actually 100% a jerk. Maybe like 50%._

Lila was such a quick typer that Alix had barely even moved before she got a reply.

_Aww, sounds like someone is starting to make a new friend!!! :)_

What? NO!

_All I said was he’s not 100% a jerk! He’s not my friend!_

Lila was having none of it apparently.

_Okay, sure honey… you tell yourself that… :)_

Ugh. Those sickly little smiley faces were making Alix want to punch someone. She clenched her phone so tightly in her hand that she was surprised it didn’t crack the screen. Alright, so maybe Kim had been upgraded from “enemy” to “acquaintance”. But that didn’t make him a friend! Alix didn’t even really have any friends!

Huh. Maybe it would be good to have a friend, actually. But not Kim. Not now, at least. If he got nicer, then… maybe?

 

 

 

Without Max here for the holidays, Kim had been visiting Marinette a lot more often. It was better than hanging out with Nath, who seemed to enjoy “stealthily” insulting him (Kim always noticed), and the run to the bakery was good training for him. He really needed to get faster. He’d beat Alix someday, he really would.

On the way back one day that week, he took a shortcut through the park to see that… oh, _She_ was there. Looking smaller than usual, since she was standing in front of a giant tree. He looked up at the tree to see that there was what looked like a cat wearing a cap.

Well, whatever. Paris was a weird city that was constantly being attacked by akuma villains. He had seen weirder things.

“Oh – Kim! Can you help me out with something?”

Drat, she had actually noticed him. Now he’d have to talk to her, and she might just be mean to him again, though last time at least she had been sort of alright…

“What do you want?” he asked, trying not to sound too grumpy.

“It’s kind of a stupid story but I found a stray cat and I was messing about, and I put my cap on it, and now it ran up the tree and I can’t get it down. I tried climbing it but I’m… you know… too small. So can you go get my cap back? It’s got money in it, I really need it.”

Kim was about to say that storing money in a cap and then _putting it on a stray cat_ was a ridiculously stupid idea, until he remembered that he had done things like that plenty of times in the past, and surely she would bring that up if he made fun of her for this. And anyway, wasn’t her family rich? Surely a lost cap and a bit of money wasn’t a big deal for her? Whatever.

He settled for saying, “I’ll do it if you give me half the money in the cap.”

“Fine.”

Kim quickly ascended the tree, grabbed the cap, and then jumped back down. Being tall was always such a good thing. He couldn’t imagine how awful it must be to constantly not be able to reach things, never able to see in crowds, being mistaken for a child all the time. It was kind of funny to mock, though.

“Here’s your cap,” he said, handing it to Alix. “Now gimme money.”

“Thanks.” She handed him a few euros.

“That’s less than I thought, but okay.”

Changing the subject entirely, she said, “So, how’s your story going?”

What was this? Small talk? (He tried not to laugh at his own thoughts. _Small_ talk, indeed…) She never usually spoke to him for longer than necessary, did she? Why was she still talking to him?

“Yeah, it’s good,” he said, shrugging. “Uh, how’s yours?”

“Pretty good. Hey – what ice cream flavour do you like? Not ‘cause I’m gonna buy you any! I just need to know for the next chapter.”

Oh, of course. She was trying to make her story more accurate. _That_ was why she was still talking to him. “Chocolate, duh.”

“Oh cool, same here!”

She high fived him. Why had she done that???

“Why are you being nice to me?” he said without thinking. Her expression soured immediately.

“Um, ‘cause I already told you I’m not a jerk? Like seriously, what kind of question is that? I can be nice to people if I want, I’m not just a mean aloof loner all the time! I’m not _Timebreaker!_ I’m just trying to make things civil between us so, y’know, it’ll be easier? Or would you prefer me hating you again?”

“No, of course not!” he said quickly. “It’s… it’s a good thing… I’ll, uh, try to be civil too I guess…”

She smiled again. How did her moods change so fast? Yelling one second, happy again another.

“Good,” she said.

“Um, I’m gonna go now… gotta meet up with someone…”

“Cool, see you later!”

He left quickly, rather weirded out. Experiencing Alix being civil or nice was just so unusual for him. Well, at least he knew now that she had it in her? He’d better tell Nath.

Knowing perfectly well that Nath hated phone calls, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and rang him up anyway. It would serve that stupid emo art nerd right.

“Kim, I told you not to call me,” he drawled, sounding oh so pretentious, as always.

“I need to give you some more accuracy details,” Kim said. “I was talking to Alix just now and she’s not actually mean all the time. She can be nice sometimes. Occasionally.”

Nath laughed. “So Max’s plan is working after all! You’re actually getting along with her!”

He was right, but Kim didn’t want to admit it to him. Stupid smug geek. “That’s just a testament to how clever and awesome Max is, obviously! His plans always work. He’s the coolest friend ever, I’m so proud of him.”

“Wow Kim, I didn’t realize you knew the word “testament”. I suppose I’ll have to increase your vocabulary list in the fic again.”

Was that really what he had to say?! Kim just hung up without another word.

 

 

The rest of the week passed without him thinking too much about everything. It was only when he was leaving from Marinette’s bakery to go to the library for the next meetup that things occurred.

“I bet you must be missing Max a lot!” Marinette was saying, sweet as always.

“Yeah, I definitely am!” Kim replied. “But I’m keeping myself busy, don’t worry. In fact I’ve gotta go right now because I’m meeting up with a friend.”

“Oh, nice! Have fun!”

“I’ll try!”

It was only when he was out of the bakery door and halfway down the street that he realized what he had just done.

He had called Alix his _friend_.

He hadn’t even thought about it! Did she count as a friend? Surely not. They just weren’t enemies anymore, that was all. Friendship needed more than that. But then why had he just called her a friend if he hadn’t subconsciously been thinking about it?

When he entered the library he saw her smiling and waving him over. Okay, that was so different to how she had been the two previous weeks, where she had just rolled her eyes and looked somewhere else. Was this a friendship thing?

“There you are!” she said as he came to sit down beside her. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much… What about you? Have you seen that cat again recently?”

“No, but I hope it doesn’t steal any more hats!”

She was still smiling at him. And she had just greeted him fairly nicely, and was talking to him without insulting him at all, and…

Oh boy, they really were friends, weren’t they?

He tried not to look too confused. It was just so _weird_ seeing her be nice to him, smiling genuinely, being friendly. He’d barely even seen her act like that towards other people, let alone himself. It was strange.

But… good. It was good. Better than being enemies, anyway. This way he didn’t have to think up insults that didn’t sound lame all the time, or have to deal with her making fun of him. Maybe it was better if she was more of a friendly rival than an enemy rival.

“Anyway, here you go, read through at your own pace,” she said, putting her laptop in front of him. Oh – he’d almost forgotten that was why they were here. He gave her his own story, then began to read.

For once she didn’t tell him to hurry up or interrupt him. She just waited in silence for him to finish reading. That was definitely a nice change. This friend thing was turning out to be very good indeed.

“It’s really good,” he admitted once he was done. “I guess it’s true, your hair colour is pretty cool. And thanks for mentioning I’m not a sore loser anymore.”

“Hey, no problem. For the record, this chapter of your story is absolutely _hilarious_ , especially the fake karaoke date. Thank you for putting those ace puns in, that was awesome!”

Kim grinned. Nath wasn’t actually the one who had come up with the ace jokes, that was Kim himself. For some reason they were easy to think of. And relatable. Weirdly relatable…

“Anyway,” she said, “I’d love to hang out more but I’ve got a stupid event at the museum to attend. I’ll see you soon, right?”

She was leaving already? And she’d said she wanted to hang out more… why was that really sweet? He was so unaccustomed to hearing her be sweet. He hadn’t even thought she _could_. How had he not known this whole time that she was actually not that bad after all when she wasn’t arguing with him? Why hadn’t he made friends with her earlier? This was just so much better – that someone who used to hate him actually liked him now.

A very hidden, idiotic part of his brain was yelling at him “STOP FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY!” But he ignored it. Alix wasn’t his enemy anymore.

“Cool,” he said to her. “See you later, buddy!”

She waved and left. Kim looked around to see that for once, none of the nerds nearby were glaring. Either they were getting used to him, or maybe… just maybe… he wasn’t being so annoying anymore?


	4. SURPRISE BITCH, BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF THIS FIC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHAHAHAHAHA IT'S 2AM AND I'VE JUST BINGE-WRITTEN THE ENTIRE REST OF THIS FIC IN ONE SITTING AFTER IGNORING IT FOR OVER 2 MONTHS, MERRY CHRISTMAS ELISE, THIS IS YOUR PRESENT AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!! (it's been kinda impossible to write it after the Gigantitan episode lol but I tried so I hope it's still good!!)

It had been several days already and yet Alix still could not get those words out of her head.

_See you later, buddy!_

Buddy. He had called her _buddy_. Did that make them friends now? Were they friends? Buddy meant friend, didn’t it? Did he mean it? Was he just being sarcastic? What did this mean? And why was so she freaking hung up on it?!

Skating around the park over and over again did nothing to clear her head. She was fine being a loner, she really was. She didn’t need friends. Friends were cool and all, but not necessary. It wasn’t like she had always wanted one or anything. Having someone to rely on, someone to hang out with, chat to whenever you felt like, that would be _nice_ , but it wasn’t like she couldn’t rely on herself alone. Of course she didn’t daydream about having stupid sleepovers with someone who didn’t find her scary for once, or hanging out playing video games with someone who would rather spend time with her than with other people, or just chilling out and watching movies with someone, or…

Oh, forget it. There was no use denying it.

She was a _hopeless platonic_.

Coming to a stop and sitting down on the side of the path, she took her watch out of her pocket to pop a few of the bubbles on the bubble-wrap she kept it in. That usually tended to stop her brain being stupid. She didn’t need friends, and she especially didn’t need a friend who was more like an enemy until very recently. She didn’t need it. Definitely not!

That cursed sentence just kept echoing around the inner walls of her skull on repeat, unable to be ignored. _See you later, buddy!_ Why did he have to say that?! He could have just not said it, and then she wouldn’t have to consider that maybe, just maybe, an idiot like him could be friendly in a way that somehow didn’t annoy her!

She furiously popped more of the bubbles, again and again until there were hardly any left. Whoops. That wouldn’t be very protective, would it? Maybe she needed to get more bubble-wrap.

Well, it wasn’t her fault. It was Kim’s fault for being friendly. So there.

What was she meant to do now? If they were friends, was she meant to go hang out with him more? This was so new. Usually she wasn’t the one inviting people places – occasionally Marinette would call her over to the bakery to hang out (more like: get help on last-minute homework), or Juleka and Rose would take pity on her and drag her along on one of their dates like the chronic third wheel she was, or Mylène would work with her in class just because they sat next to each other. But how to do that in return?

Lila would know. Lila knew how to be friendly to people, even if those methods did involve a lot of lying. Alix put the watch back in her pocket and pulled out her phone to send Lila a message.

_So you know how I told you last time that Kim’s being a lot nicer now? And that he wasn’t a jerk at all in our last meeting? Well he also called me “buddy” and I don’t know if he means it, do you think he was just being sarcastic or something?_

As usual, Lila did not keep her waiting.

_I’m fairly certain he’s being nice – which makes the two of you friends, just like I said! :)_

Ugh, those smiley faces! Why was she always sending those? They just looked passive-aggressive. And also stupid. But anyway, smiley faces aside, she seemed to still think of it all as friendship…

_So I have a friend now?_

Lila’s reply was so quick, barely a second or two had passed before it arrived.

_Oh then what was I binch??? YOUR MOTHER???_

Wait, what? Lila considered herself a friend too? Were they friends?

Well… maybe they were. Friends were people who helped you, and who you went to advice for, right? By that definition, Lila was a friend. Maybe one who lied all the time, one who it was almost impossible to truly trust, but… huh. A friend.

_Yeah fine, sorry. You’re my friend too. This is all just kinda weird for me_

Alix hoped Lila wasn’t offended or anything – it had been weird to get a message without a smiley face at the end of it. But luckily Lila seemed to be in a forgiving mood. Or maybe that was just what friends did.

_It’s alright, I’m glad to be one of the few people you can call a friend! Keep up the good work :)_

Oh thank goodness, the smiley face was back. Alix smiled – then quickly put her phone away and willed herself to stop being a cheesy idiot. It was just _friendship_ , no big deal. So she had two friends now. Whatever. Other people had friends too. Nothing to be excited about.

Okay… what now? She was friends with Kim, and friends hung out with each other, right? Did she have to hang out with him? Would it be weird if she asked? Part of her was tempted to ask Lila for help again, but it would be a bit embarrassing to admit that she really didn’t know the first thing about properly being friends with someone. So then what? Challenge him to a rematch over something? No, that was stupid! Kim and Max were friends, what did those two do together?

Of course – video games!

She took her phone out again and sent him a message.

_You like video games, right? I have the new Zelda one and since we’re friends now, I guess you’re allowed to come over and try it._

As soon as she hit the send button she cringed and held her phone at arm’s length – what kind of stupid message was that?! It didn’t even sound remotely friendly! “Allowed” to come over and try it? And seriously, who even used full stops at the ends of their messages?! Now she just sounded mean!!

_YOU HAVE BREATH OF THE WILD????? AWESOME I’LL BE THERE IN LIKE 2 MINUTES (I’M GONNA RUN)_

Phew, it seemed like the promise of video games had distracted him from what was undoubtedly the worst message in the world. Was he really expecting to be able to run to her house in 2 minutes? She couldn’t even skate there that fast from here! Well, maybe he was a lot closer to it.

Which meant… that he’d get there before her… and _her family would see him…_

Oh, crap. She stood up and zoomed off as quickly as possible.

 

 

 

Around 10 minutes later (Kim having seriously underestimated how long it would take to run there) they were at her house, in her room. This was so weird – she never really invited friends to her house. For starters, most people just seemed in awe at how big it was, despite the fact that it was still smaller than Adrien’s. She didn’t want people to only like her for being rich. At least Kim didn’t seem to care.

“I’ve been wanting to play this for ages!” he said, bouncing up and down excitedly as he waited for it to load on the TV in front of them. “Max doesn’t have it because he spent all his money on the new DLC for Ultimate Mecha Strike III, which was so annoying because how is Mecha Strike better than Zelda? Zelda games are the best! And especially this one! I mean, have you _seen_ Link?”

“Of course I’ve seen Link,” she said, starting to regret this already. Was he going to shut up? Or would he carry on nattering away in that ridiculously loud, annoying voice of his?

“Link is always awesome, but he’s especially awesome in this game.” Kim picked up the game cover and stared at the art on the front, misty-eyed. “Look at him. His eyes are so pretty, and his face is even more beautiful this time, I read online that all the NPCs flirt with him and honestly that’s so relatable…”

“Are you seriously telling me you have a crush on Link?”

“No!” Kim had gone red. He quickly flung the cover over his shoulder and crossed his arms. “Of course not. That’s stupid. He’s not real. Even if he is really hot.”

“Did you really just call him hot?”

“Well he is! Look, I’m allowed to think a guy is hot, right?”

She tried not to laugh. “Yeah, it’s just kinda hilarious that you’re in love with _Link_ , of all people.”

“I’m not in love with Link!... Well, maybe a tiny bit. But don’t you dare tell anyone!”

“Of course I won’t.” Alix held her hand out for a fist bump. “Friends don’t tell each other’s secrets.”

He happily returned the fist bump. “Oh, so we are friends, thank god. I was so hoping you didn’t still secretly hate me or something.”

“I misjudged you. You’re not a jerk, you’re just a weirdo. Who has a type for hot blondes, apparently.”

“No I don’t!” he said quickly. “Chloé and Link just both _happen_ to be blonde, that’s all. I swear I can fall for people based on their personality too. I’m not that shallow.”

“Alright, if you say so. I guess I’ll keep that in mind for the fic.”

“Oh yeah, that thing! Yeah, make sure to put it in. Blondes are great, but other people are great too. And I’m not shallow. And guys are just as cute as girls. And I don’t always fall in love at first sight, I promise.”

“Noted. Though most of that is probably going to be irrelevant.”

“And what about you?”

“Well, what about me?”

“I can’t exactly write a realistic slow burn fic without knowing, like… how you like people, I guess.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s all the same, isn’t it? Liking people or being in love or whatever, it’s just friendship but with mushy stuff added in…”

Kim looked mortified. “Of course it’s not! The feelings are entirely different!”

“Are they?”

“Yes!”

“That sounds fake but okay.” She made a mental note: Kim was way too obsessed with romance. Seriously, friendship love was the same thing! Wasn’t it? “Oh, and another thing, but you probably already know this – I’m ace. Very, very ace. The most acey ace to ever ace.”

“I did know that, you never stop mentioning it.” He went red again and looked at the floor. “Um, and about that, well… I was doing some research and stuff for fic purposes. And then I realized how relatable it was. So I guess… I think I’m ace too. It would make a lot of sense.”

For a few seconds she didn’t even say anything.

Kim… was _ace???_

She had never come across another ace before in her life. As much as she made sure to tell people all the time, hoping, wishing that someone she met might turn out to be like her, she had never found anyone. No one at all. Yes there were plenty on the internet, but that all seemed so far away. There was never anyone to relate to in real life, to remind her that this was a real thing, that nothing was wrong with her. It almost seemed like she was alone in the world when it came to being ace.

But now…

“You’re my new best friend,” she said immediately.

“Uh… because I’m ace?”

“Yes! I don’t know any other aces in real life! Well, except you now, so yeah, we’re best friends! This is so AWESOME!”

He grinned. “Okay then, yeah! We’re best friends!”

“High five, fellow ace!”

She held up her hand and he high fived it so hard it was stinging – though she tried not to flinch at that. It was still engraved in her brain that the two of them were supposedly rivals, and that would take a while to get rid of. Or maybe they could still be rivals, just _friendly_ rivals. Rivals who were best friends and played video games together.

Video games! Of course!

She turned to the screen to see that it had already been loaded for a while, but neither of them had noticed while chatting. Oops.

“Ready to go flirt with Link?” she asked, pointing at the screen.

“Heck yeah I am!”

“And for the record, Link is totally ace. 100%. It’s canon.”

“You are absolutely right. Link is an ace icon. An… ace-con.”

“That was ace-trocious.”

“Don’t you mean ace-mazing?”

“The pun is actually am-ace-zing…”

“Oh whatever! Let’s just play already!”

 

 

It was several hours of video games later before Kim finally left, needing to go back home for something. He had said he would message her later anyway – apparently he had some ace memes to send her.

Alix sat alone in her room, refreshing her phone over and over again, waiting for those memes. It seemed oddly quiet in here now. Had she already got used to the presence of her new friend?

Wait, new _best_ friend. She had a best friend now. An actual, real best friend. A person who liked hanging out with her. How had it seemed so natural? Was it weird that she didn’t want it to end? While it was nice to have a bit of peace and quiet now, she was already starting to miss his company.

She should have just made friends with him earlier! They got along so well – how had they never realized that before? Too busy arguing with each other, clearly. Well, at least now things were different. Better late than never.

And she couldn’t wait to hang out with him again.


	5. me @ myself: DON'T SLOW DOWN YOU IDIOT, SPEED THE H*CK UP

Kim spent most of the rest of the week looking up ace memes, pestering Nath for more ace memes (Nath spent more time on the internet than talking to people so surely he knew where to find the best memes, right?), even trying to get Max to send him ace memes before getting a reply saying “KIM I AM TRYING TO RELAX, PLEASE DO NOT BOTHER ME WITH YOUR MADCAP SCHEMES!”

Well, whatever. He could find the memes by himself. They had to be good memes, though, ones worthy of sending to Alix. If she was his best friend now then he had to prove himself worthy of it. Everyone knew that Alix Kubdel did not have best friends, and yet she had so easily chosen him to be one. He couldn’t let that go to waste.

They didn’t just talk about ace memes, of course. There was so much other stuff to discuss now that they were on friendly terms with each other – it turned out she had plenty of interesting life stories to tell, many of them involving her being very reckless and bratty while at the high society events all rich people were forced to go to. They were almost enough to rival Kim’s adventurous, disastrous life… _almost_.

 

They decided to have their fourth meeting in the park instead of the library. Now that they were friends it didn’t really matter who saw them hanging out, and anyway, those poor nerds were probably getting sick of them. It was much nicer outside, in the warm sunshine. Kim had always been an outdoors person, it was so much better out here than in some stuffy library.

Kim read through the story as quick as he could, secretly annoyed that there wasn’t more of it yet. It really was very good. Even in the story, the two of them had become friends now, similar to how they were in real life. Even better, it was clear that Alix had actually bothered to put in some of the things he had mentioned this week, like his love for Zelda games. It was strangely realistic, and… well, quite nice.

“Is it me or is this story an accurate representation of what’s happening in real life?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, thanks to a challenge Max set us, we’re actually friends now…”

She laughed. “Yeah, you’re right I guess! So that means my story is super realistic, which means I’m totally gonna win the challenge.”

“We’ll see about that. My story is gonna get even better soon. The next chapter is gonna be AMAZING.”

He was making that up, he really had no idea what Nath had planned for next chapter. Well, it had better be something good!

“I wish I could hang out more, but I have to go,” Alix said, standing up from the bench to leave. “I broke a vase the other day playing tennis indoors so my punishment is being ‘half-grounded’. You’ll send me more memes, right?”

“Yeah, definitely!”

“Awesome! See you later, best buddy.”

He watched her run off, an odd feeling settling in him. It would have been nice if she could stay for longer. Now what else was he meant to do? With Max on holiday, there wasn’t even anyone else worth hanging out with compared to his two best friends.

He took his phone out of his pocket and called up Nath. Hopefully that stupid tomato wasn’t getting used to his phone calls, Kim _wanted_ him to be annoyed. It would serve him right for being so snarky all the time.

“Kim, do I really need to teach you how to use IMs?”

“I know how to message people,” he said, already wanting to punch Nath in the face. “I just wanted to call you instead. Hear the sound of my dear friend’s voice.”

“I am very glad you consider me your friend, it’s nice to know you think so highly of me. Maybe one day, by some miracle, the feeling will be mutual.”

“Anyway, listen up you annoying nerd. The story is good so far but hers is better, and I’m not having that. You’ve gotta step up your game.”

“Don’t worry about that. The next chapter is going to blow you away.”

“Good.”

“Though that isn’t difficult to achieve, since my skills are so advanced and your reading comprehension so low.”

“Nathaniel, do you purposely try to annoy me?” Kim snapped. “Do you seriously think I don’t know you’re doing it?”

He could hear Nath giggling away on the other end. “Sorry, it’s just too easy with you.”

Kim so badly wanted to just yell “YOU’RE FIRED!” and never speak to him again! But that wouldn’t do. He needed Nath to write that story, and Nath knew it. That was why that smug dork could get away with being as insulting as possible – he knew that Kim needed him, no matter what.

He took a deep breath and said, “ANYWAY, moving on. The story has to be as super realistic as you can make it, since hers is basically happening in real life. Her story had us become friends accidentally, just like in real life, and so…”

Nath was laughing again, not a good sign. “And so at some point the two of you will get together, just as the stories foretold.”

Wait, _what?!_

“NO!” Kim said quickly, looking around before remembering he was on the phone and no one around could hear what Nath was saying. “No way, no way, that couldn’t happen, that’s – that’s just–”

“Unrealistic? That’s exactly what you said about being her friend, too, and now look. It’s taken four weeks but it happened.”

“That’s different,” Kim insisted, feeling his face heating up rather annoyingly. “Friendship is fine. But nothing more. It won’t happen. That’s ridiculous. And anyway, it turns out I am actually asexual, just like her, so there.”

“You _moron_. You may be ace, but you’re an ace who crushes on 95% of the kids our age and you know it.”

His face was flaming now. “That’s not true!”

“Alright, 94% then.”

“I… I have to go. Bye.”

“You can hang up on me but you can’t hang up on the tru–”

Kim quickly ended the call and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. Stupid Nathaniel. What would an emo art kid like him know about things like that?

Whatever. Time to forget about that and do something else, like looking for more ace memes. Or maybe buying cake. Cake was an ace thing, right? Maybe he could buy some for Alix!

But wait… what would Nath say about that? Buying cake for someone, was that a friendship thing? Or was it _romantic?_

No! No paying attention to what Nath said. If Kim wanted to buy cake for his best friend, he could totally do that. Platonically.

 

 

One trip to Marinette’s bakery later, Kim walked down the street with a giant box of cake in his hands. His mind was still ringing so annoyingly with Nath’s words. It was true that the stories had come eerily true so far – if he went back in time and told his younger self that he would end up being best friends with Alix, he would never have believed it. So then… what if…?

NO! He held the cake box a little tighter and hurried onwards. No way. Nope. Never.

What did Nath even mean, anyway? Kim totally did not have crushes on 95% of his peers. Not even 94%. Yeah, alright, there had been Chloé a while ago, someone he still found hard to get over. And yeah, once upon a time he had feelings for Marinette that he had never managed to admit until they disappeared.

And Adrien was kinda cute. But hey, he was a model. And Kim already knew blondes had a headstart when it came to attracting him. No wonder he had even been a little flustered to sit right in front of Rose this year, though he obviously never paid much attention to that, not wanting to get in between Rose and Juleka. Oh yes, and Juleka too – so pretty. Very pretty. But very lesbian.

Oh, and there was Alya too, his heart leaping rather oddly on Valentine’s Day when she had asked if the brooch was for her. If she and Nino weren’t already a couple then Kim would probably have already made a move on someone as cool as her. Or Nino too! Was there anyone cooler in the school, really? Well, maybe Lila. Before he’d found out how much she lied about everything, she had seemed very charming indeed.

And what about Aurore? That gorgeous girl from the other class, who always carried around that parasol with her, waving elegantly like some sort of royal princess. Another blonde to add to the list. And did Mylène count as a blonde? Whatever, she already loved Ivan.

Of course, it wasn’t _all_ blondes – if Max wasn’t on holiday right now, Kim was half sure he might have already just taken him out for a romantic dinner or something. To be honest he had been thinking about that for a while. He knew Max so well, he wouldn’t even feel nervous about doing it.

There was also that shy little artist sitting in the corner of the classroom, keeping to himself…

Kim almost tripped over his own feet as he scrambled to wipe _that_ thought from his brain. Nath was certainly very nice to look at on the outside, but that meant nothing!

He slowed down a little, his cheeks feeling too warm for comfort. Okay, so maybe, _maybe_ Nath was right about Kim having crushes on way too many people. It was kind of true that he had considered pretty much everyone in his class already. It was something he used to do in his spare time before he had better things to think about, like unfairly hot fictional characters.

And alright, he admitted it to himself, he had indeed considered Alix. But he had very quickly come to one very important conclusion: Alix Kubdel was OFF-LIMITS.

For starters, she didn’t even _like_ stuff like that. She made her distaste pretty clear, reminding everyone that 14 th February was actually Ferris Wheel Day, gagging whenever anyone nearby was kissing or being otherwise romantic, complaining loudly about how cool action movies always had to have annoying sappy scenes unnecessarily stuffed in the middle of them.

And plus, it just wouldn’t work. They just didn’t go together like that. Friendship seemed to be working in a rather fragile way, but they still clashed a lot. It simply _wouldn’t work_.

Anyway, she was like… so tiny! And had really messy hair! And her fashion sense was so non-existent, like what even was that stupid snake top she wore all the time? Well yeah, maybe it kind of suited her. And the pink hair was cool. But still, just because she was kind of cute-looking, in a really bizarre way, that didn’t mean anything. Lots of people were cute. Kim was not that shallow.

And yes, fine, she had a great personality. It had taken him way too long to realize that, but it was true. But that didn’t mean anything either! That was why he was _friends_ with her, obviously! Because she was cool!

_“Off-limits,”_ he whispered to himself, coming to a stop right in the middle of the street. “Don’t even think about it.”

It wouldn’t work. Not even hypothetically.

Well… it seemed to be working in these fics of theirs…

“Off-limits!” he told himself firmly. A nearby pigeon flew away, startled.

He did not have a crush on her. And even if he did, that was nothing special, there were plenty of people he liked. He couldn’t just go proving Nath right by actually doing anything about it. His life was not some stupid fanfic!

Yeah, that was it. It was just these stupid stories getting to him. Or like, “comp het” or something. He didn’t actually like her like that, and it was so mean of Nath to try to convince him that he did.

Never mind. Deep breath.

He began walking again, only to stop once more just a few steps away. His face was feeling far too hot again, and it was nothing to do with the fluctuating Paris temperatures.

He couldn’t just go see her right _now_ , could he? Not when his brain was still mulling over all this. He’d probably just end up acting really weird about everything and ruin this delicate little friendship of theirs. And it would all be Nath’s fault.

Almost on cue, he got a message from Nath himself. Hmph, trust him to send a message rather than make a phone call, as always.

_I had an idea for the next chapter! How about… A KISS? ;)_

Kim dropped the cake box right onto his feet, then scrambled to pick it up again. Yikes… he had made up his mind. That was enough interacting with other people today, time to go home and avoid both Nath and Alix until he could force his brain to remember those two important words:

OFF!!! LIMITS!!!


	6. Huh these chapter names would make great Fall Out Boy song titles - by Fall Out Boy

The rest of that week was strangely quiet for Alix. For some reason Kim was not sending many memes or messages as he had before. Was he bored of being friends already? No, that was ridiculous… He was busy. He must be busy. It was fine.

It was weird, though, how much she missed him already. Finally having a best friend and actually getting used to attention from another person, that was fun. It was less fun to keep checking her phone only to see that there was nothing there waiting for her this time.

Well, it wasn’t like she only had one friend. She had _two_ friends! And her other friend was just as important!

“Thank you ever so much for inviting me over!” Lila said as she walked into the house, tossing her long hair over her shoulder and looking around. “It’s almost as big as my house! Though I’m afraid you can’t visit mine, as it’s currently under renovations to make it even bigger.”

That was definitely a lie, but whatever.

“I can’t visit anyway, I’m half-grounded until tomorrow,” Alix said.

“Only half?”

“Don’t ask.”

Lila frowned. “But if you’re half-grounded, what are we going to do here? No offence, but I really can’t think of anything we have in common…”

“I am going to teach you how to rollerskate,” Alix said.

“What… really? Indoors?”

“Yep. There’s enough space and my dad’s not home. You up for it?”

She looked a little worried. “Yes, of course! I’m actually a very good skater! It’s just, uh, I haven’t in a long time. And I am ever so tired today. And, um, I hurt my foot the other day so if I’m not very good then that explains it, because usually I am very good. And also I’m on my period. And have a migraine. And–”

“Lila! Chill out. It’s fine. I don’t care if you’re good at it or not, I swear. Just have fun.”

“Oh… yes. You’re right. Thank you.”

Lila smiled, looking a little happier now. Maybe she wasn’t so great at the friendship thing either? Come to think of it, while Alix had not really been paying attention to most of the drama going on at school, she was fairly certain that a lot of people had rejected Lila for lying to them. Maybe Lila didn’t have many proper friends either, just people who tolerated her.

The two of them had similar shoe sizes so Alix lent Lila her skates, helmet, elbow and knee pads, and stayed on her normal shoes to help Lila balance. It was clear that despite what she had said, Lila had never skated before. But she was a quick learner.

“You’re doing well!” Alix said, giving a thumbs up as Lila came to a stop in front of her.

“Thank you! I told you I would, I–”

She stopped speaking as she started wobbling, about to fall over. Alix grabbed her arms to keep her on her feet. Lila just stared at her in surprise for a few seconds, before looking down and letting her long hair fall in front of her face.

“Oh, thank you, I j-just… I’m sorry, I told you I’m not feeling great today, um…”

“Lila, are you okay?”

“Fine!” Lila squeaked. “I, uh, have to go immediately. Family thing. The president’s coming to visit and I can’t be late–”

She pushed herself away and kneeled down to quickly take off the skates and put on her own shoes, before throwing off all the protective gear and picking up her purse.

“You’re leaving already?” Alix asked.

“I’ll send you the next chapter later today, alright?” Lila’s face had gone pink. She brushed her hair out of her face and waved, then ran off out of the door.

Huh… that had been weird. First no new memes from Kim, and now Lila suddenly just up and _leaving_ , what was with that…? Had Alix done something wrong? Surely not? She had never been particularly good at the friendship thing, but she couldn’t think of what she could possibly have messed up on…

 

 

Kim was not sure if he even wanted to go to the fifth meeting, considering how much he had been avoiding everything and everyone lately, _especially_ Alix. But strangely enough he did find himself looking forward to it as he made his way to the park. Was that bad? No, pfffff, it was a friendship thing, and Nath was still an idiot. Absolutely.

Alix was standing on the bench, somehow still shorter than him despite the added height. As soon as he was close enough she jumped up and hugged him, much to his surprise.

“Dude, I missed you this week! What’s up?”

She had already let go but he still couldn’t answer for a few seconds – she had _hugged_ him! She didn’t hug anyone, but she really had hugged him!

“I was just busy and stuff, sorry,” he said.

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, where’s that new chapter? I wanna read it.”

Oh yes, the new chapter. The stupid, annoying, pure evil new chapter that his arch-nemesis, Nathaniel Kurtzberg, had dared to write. Why did that idiot have to put a kiss in it?! Okay, it was kinda cute, somehow in character, and the fics were supposed to be “shippy” anyway. But still! Why? Now it was just going to be so _embarrassing_ to have to sit here and watch her read through it and probably be super weirded out!

He reluctantly handed over his phone with the document opened. No point taking a laptop to a park. Alix seemed to have the same idea, as she handed over her phone too with her story on the screen. He had a read through.

Hmm… being in need of comfort over a dead pet… Max being on holiday and so not able to be there for Kim… One part of that was very realistic indeed.

“I know you don’t actually have a pet hamster,” she said once he’d finished, handing his phone back and taking her own. “I just didn’t want to write about the death of an actual person or pet because that would be kinda mean, so I made one up.”

“Oh, thanks. And um…” He ran a hand through his hair and tried to sound casual. “How’s my story?”

“Good. A bit mushy, but whatever, I know what you’re like.”

Oh, so she wasn’t freaking out or anything. Thank goodness. Maybe he could forgive Nath just a tiny bit.

A raindrop fell on his head. He looked up to see that the sky had clouded over, and the next thing he knew, it had started raining rather heavily. He put up the hood of his hoodie. Rain was not good for his perfect hair that he worked so hard on every morning, thank you very much. Alix, on the other hand, was grinning now.

“Dude, is your phone waterproof? Because when it rains this heavily the only thing I wanna do is go running around and splashing in puddles, and I bet you would want to join me. Right?”

That did sound fun. So very much fun. But what would Nath think if he found out? Oh whatever, who cared what Nath thought?!

“Heck yeah!” he said, leaping to his feet. “Let’s go!”

 

The next half an hour was spent running around the streets of Paris, getting absolutely soaked, jumping into every puddle they saw, getting yelled at by plenty of random people who they accidentally splashed while racing each other. They’d had plenty of races and challenges before, all the time, but it never felt as fun as this. It had always felt like a rivalry thing before. But now, it was a friendship thing. And it was _the best_.

They reached the banks of the Seine, the other side not even visible through the heavy rain. There didn’t seem to be anyone else around. The weather had driven off everyone who wasn’t a reckless idiot, it seemed.

“I dare you to jump in!”

Kim heard the words, and before even thinking about it, leapt into the river next to them. It was only when the cold water hit him that he was shocked into realizing what he had just done – he had _literally gone in-Seine_. God, why did he never _think_ before doing anything, ever?! This was a bad idea on every single level and if he had considered it even for a second then he wouldn’t have done it!

He bobbed up and down near the edge, watching Alix standing there cracking up with laughter. Something stirred inside him – he reached over the side and pulled her into the water too.

That had been a bad idea as well, it must have been. Yet both of them now couldn’t stop laughing, floating there in the murky river water alone in a rainstorm. Why was he laughing? He didn’t even know!

“I didn’t expect you to actually jump in!” she said, giving him a punch in the arm.

“When will you learn that I never turn down a dare?”

“Well it’s frickin’ _freezing_ in here, so I d-dare you to either g-get us out of here or k-keep us warm…”

She was shivering and her teeth were chattering. Maybe someone as small as her couldn’t retain much heat. He certainly didn’t want her to die of hypothermia, but he didn’t really want to leave yet either, even if this river was cold and muddy and the worst possible place to be.

Ignoring every part of his brain that told him otherwise, he pulled her into a hug to keep her warm. She really did seem to be quite cold already, and so small compared to him, and still laughing and shivering, and wrapping her arms around him and leaning right into him…

 

 

He finally returned to his bedroom later that evening and just fell right onto the bed, exhausted. He’d left his hoodie with her to keep her warm after dropping her off at her house once they’d got out of the river, but somehow he wasn’t cold. Not even a little bit.

It didn’t mean anything, and Nath was still wrong. Obviously.

Oh… then why could he not get her cute laugh out of his head?

_OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS…_

It was all he could think about. The way she was clinging onto him in the river, the way she’d held his hand to pull him out of it once they’d had enough, the way she smiled at him and thanked him when he’d taken off his hoodie and put it over her shoulders…

He didn’t want this! He didn’t have a crush on her, he _couldn’t_. She was off-limits. He had made up his mind about that such a long time ago. These five weeks had done nothing to change that, even if they were friends now. Best friends. The bestest of friends, who leapt into rivers for each other, who gave each other warm clothing.

It was platonic. Friendship. 100%. No doubt. There was nothing else there.

He hugged his knees to his chest, still not cold. His face was warm, his chest was warm, he didn’t even need that hoodie. But why? Even in summer, rainstorms were cold. He should be freezing. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t cold at all, he was warm, his whole face was on fire, his heart was burning.

No… it couldn’t be true… that stupid emo art nerd couldn’t be right…

But he was.

Kim had a crush.

“Fuck you, Nathaniel,” he muttered.


	7. These two idiots are going to be the death of me

The next morning, Alix awoke to the feeling of something in her arms, something unusual. She opened her eyes to see that it was the hoodie from last night. She had been curled up around it in her sleep.

Part of her wanted to leap up and throw it across the room, far away from her – what a stupid, sappy thing to have been doing! But instead she just closed her eyes again and pressed her face into it, breathing in deeply. It still had a faint scent of river water, even though it was dry now. And something else too. Deodorant or something? Surely it couldn’t be. That would have washed out.

Oh wait… it was Kim’s hair gel. That was it.

She lay there for far too long, all tangled up in his giant hoodie, internally yelling at herself for being such a dork. It had been bad enough yesterday in the river, when she had been holding onto him and never wanting to let go. And it was the same now. She never wanted to let go.

She was _attached_ to him now, wasn’t she?

Well… maybe she just really liked hoodies. She already knew that. Hoodies were awesome, and also a very _ace_ item of clothing, like flannel or snapbacks for lesbians. Hoodies were an ace thing. Maybe that was why she was so attached to it?

But no, she couldn’t lie to herself quite that much. It wasn’t the hoodie she was attached to, it was Kim. That idiot. Somehow he had managed to worm his way into her heart over just five weeks.

Was this friendship? Or was it something else? It was impossible to tell, especially with nothing to compare it with. Back when they had been playing video games together, Kim had said that friendship love and mushy love were different feelings. But it all just felt the _same!_

She curled up even tighter, squeezing the hoodie in her arms. What was the difference? _What was the difference???_ There was no difference! If you cared about someone, did the difference really matter? It was all just the SAME! Why did no one else ever think so?!

Too much time had passed before she finally opened her eyes and sat up, though she did not let go of the hoodie. She grabbed her phone and sent a message to Lila – maybe the only person who could help her right now.

_Does slow burn exist in real life?_

According to her phone it was 10 in the morning, and Lila was already awake enough to give a quick answer.

_It does. Why do you ask?_

No smiley face there. Lila had been so weirdly distant since the other day.

_I think it might be happening to me but I don’t know and also have no idea what I’m doing_

That was such an oversimplified way of putting it. But there was no way to express her questions in words, not when the questions were about abstract things, like feelings.

_You don’t have to know what you’re doing, just go live out your fanfic :)_

Oh, thank goodness, the smiley face was back. Was it weird that seeing some stupid little emoji warmed her heart?

_Thanks, I guess I will!_

Before she sent the message, she added a little smiley face in return.

_:)_

It would probably be really weird to just start going on at Lila about how nice it was to have someone to ask silly questions at all hours of the day and always get an answer. But it was true. Alix was grateful to Lila – far more than she wanted to admit. For someone who lied so much to the point of being impossible to trust, Lila really was a great friend.

But now what? She still couldn’t tell exactly what she was feeling.

Hmm… go live out your fanfic…

Opening the internet browser on her phone, she went onto Nath’s fic archive. It had been such a scandal at school when people discovered that the shy little artist boy sitting in the corner was secretly writing fanfic about the people he knew, even very romantic ones. Most of the fics were about him and Marinette, back from the era when he’d had a crush on her. But after that he had branched out. He even took commissions and birthday requests from people.

Alix hardly ever went on here, really. Most of the fics were way too mushy and stupid. Did Nath really not have anything better to write about?! But right now, that was what she needed. Some ridiculous, stupid, shippy fic to figure out her own emotions.

Okay, here was one. A fic that Nath had written about Marinette and Adrien. That had to be shippy, literally everyone in the class wanted Marinette and Adrien to get together. She tapped on the link and then had a quick look through it.

Right… this was very weird. Marinette was trying to flirt with Adrien, pretty unsuccessfully. And somehow he didn’t even notice.

_“So, you like asteroids?”_

_“Uh… what?”_

_“ASTEROIDS, LIKE THE SPACE ROCK THINGS!!”_

_“Um, yes, I suppose? Why?”_

_“I don’t know, I’m j-just… r-really bad at f-flirting…”_

_“FLIRTING???”_

Nope, that was a disaster. She closed the tab, giving up already. To be fair to Nath, Marinette very much did act like that around Adrien in real life. So, was that what it meant to be in love with someone? You’d be nervous around them? But then if that was the case, how could anyone ever tell the difference between love and fear? Oh, this was stupid!

Never mind. Maybe she would just have to wing it.

Finally standing up, she grabbed a coin off the desk beside her. There were two options she could go for now.

_Heads: the feelings are platonic. Just carry on being Kim’s friend._

_Tails: the feelings are romantic. Make a move._

Of course, that all also depended on whether or not he liked her back, though his actions yesterday seemed to suggest so, but she couldn’t just assume that…

No overthinking! She threw the coin up in the air and watched it fall onto the desk in front of her, rolling along on its side for a few seconds before finally tipping over and lying flat. She took a look at which side it had landed on.

Tails.

 

 

 

Half an hour later, she waited at the park in their usual place, having messaged him to tell him to meet her there. Sure enough, he arrived, wearing an old hoodie that was slightly too small for him.

“Thanks for lending this to me,” she said, pushing the river hoodie back into his arms. “It was nice.”

“Oh, um, no problem.”

Was it just her reading into things, or did he sound… flustered?

“Seriously, yesterday was so much fun,” she continued.” You’re the best.”

Without waiting for a reply, she hopped up onto the bench and hugged him. It lasted longer than ordinary hugs should, and when she finally let go she noticed that his face was bright red.

Time for some mental maths. People’s faces usually went red for one of three reasons: they were angry, embarrassed, or in love.

Well, he certainly wasn’t angry. And there was no one else around right now, why would he have any reason to be embarrassed at hugging his friend? It couldn’t have been either of those. So there was only one explanation for this…

Was he in love?

He was just standing there, not saying anything. There was a rather awkward silence between them. Alix hurried to break it.

“So, you like asteroids?”

“Um… what?”

Crap crap crap, abort mission–

“NEVER MIND, GOTTA GO, BYE!”

She ran off without another word.

 

 

Lila wandered into the library, wondering if working in here would get her mind off her tragic, heartbreaking situation. She spotted a familiar mop of red hair in the corner – oh yes, that was the cute artist boy from her school!

“Hi Nath!” she said, walking over and sitting beside him. “Whatcha doin’?”

He jumped, startled. “Oh! Lila! Um, I’m just… well, I’m writing fanfic.”

“Oh yes, I heard you write lots of fic! That’s so cool! I’m writing one myself too, actually. Mine’s a wonderful slow burn romance. Enemies to friends to lovers, that sort of thing.”

“Really? I’m writing something really similar.”

Oh, trust him to just go and upstage her like that! She flipped her hair and said, “Mine’s about two of our classmates actually.”

“Huh, same… were you, um, commissioned to write it?”

Why was he asking that? “Sort of, I suppose…”

“Because I sort of was, too… In fact, is yours something to do with a challenge?”

“Yes…”

“So is mine…”

The realization hit both of them at the same time. They looked at each other for a few seconds of silence, before bursting into laughter.

“They’re both cheating on Max’s challenge!” Lila managed to say once she had calmed down a little. “This is just too good!”

“I should have known!” Nath wiped a tear away from his eye. “Oh, what idiots…”

“Are we going to tell them that we know?”

“Nah, let’s keep it a secret and carry on like this. It’s funnier this way.”

Lila nodded. “Jeez, this is hilarious. If only they knew!”

“Their whole life is like a silly fanfic, if you ask me.”

“Only a matter of time before they get together, isn’t it?”

“Certainly. How long do you think it’ll last? My bet’s on 2 weeks.”

“I’d say something similar. It’ll be amusing while it lasts, though.”

Nath’s smile abruptly disappeared. “I really shouldn’t be making fun of Kim behind his back, I do it enough to his face…”

“Do you really? Have you not made friends with him?”

He shook his head. “I guess I should have but… ughhhhh.” He faceplanted into the table. “I don’t want to encourage my brain to think of him as even cuter than he already is.”

That was relatable. Far, far too relatable.

“Big mood,” Lila said, laying her head down on the table too. “Maybe it’s better that way… being friends is just painful. Because then you get to see their cuteness upfront, and know that they don’t feel the same way about you.”

Nath turned his head to face her. “Are you telling me we both have crushes on the people who we’re basically setting up with each other?”

“Yep.”

“Ugh, that sucks. Everything sucks.”

“It does.”

He sighed. “I hate phone calls, but is it bad that I don’t mind so much when it’s Kim calling?”

Lila sighed too. “I hate being clumsy around people, but I’d trip over in rollerskates a million times if Alix was there to catch me…”

“His voice is just so dreamy…”

“Her arms look like twigs but they’re so strong…”

“We’re pathetic, aren’t we?”

Lila just nodded. “We are, we really are…”

 

 

 

The rest of the week was a blur. Kim was back to wearing his normal hoodie again but things felt different – every time he put it on, all he could think about was that river. And how much he hated Nath for being right. He kept reminding himself that Alix was OFF-LIMITS, just like he had always told himself, but with every second they spent together it was getting more and more impossible. The problem was that she seemed to want to hang out with him a lot, and was so much more affectionate now, and it was killing him.

For the sixth official meetup they had a sleepover at Alix’s house. Apparently she was allowed now, since her time of being “half-grounded” was over. He still wasn’t sure what that meant. And he especially was still cursing Nath for putting more kisses into the story, since every time he looked over it, he kept wishing it was real – and then hitting himself over the head and yelling at himself to stop it.

Stupid Nathaniel, honestly. What a troll.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m way too emotionally invested in your story now,” Alix said. “I can’t wait to find out how it ends.”

_Me too_ , thought Kim. He was starting to feel very guilty about cheating on this challenge. Should he tell her the truth about that?

“Anyway,” she continued, “now what? It’s a sleepover, this is _us two_ we’re talking about, it’s illegal for us not to do some stupid challenge. What do you suggest?”

He shrugged. “Uh… I dunno.”

“You’re no help at all…”

It took a while to decide, but they eventually ended up with a rather stupid competition to see who could read more of a really smutty romance novel aloud without laughing, one of the free downloadable ones off the internet. It was so bad that Kim cracked up almost immediately. Alix was no better though, barely making it through an entire sentence before laughing hysterically. They carried on going, sentence by sentence, reading the lines in dramatic, cheesy voices and making it as ridiculous as possible. Eventually Alix’s brother knocked on the door and told them to just shut up and go to bed already.

“Well, thanks to that lame excuse for a romance novel, I am now 100% certain that I’m ace,” Kim said as he unrolled his sleeping bag on the floor, still chuckling a little.

“Yeah, me too. If I have to read another line about that guy’s thigh muscles I’m gonna puke.”

“Anyway, goodnight I guess…”

She frowned at him. “Dude, you don’t need a sleeping bag. I have a double bed.”

Wait, was she really saying that he should sleep up there… _next to her?_

“It’s fine!” His voice sounded more like a squeak. “I’m fine down here. Really.”

“Alright, have fun being uncomfortable then. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight…”

He lay down in the sleeping bag, his cheeks blazing.

_OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS OFF-LIMITS…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kids, don't flip coins to make major life decisions...


	8. Am I the rarepair queen yet?

Vaccinations were the worst. How could one small needle hurt so much? Inspire so much fear inside even the bravest of people? Not that Alix was _scared_ , of course, that would be ridiculous. Why would she be scared of needles? They were just tiny little pointy sticks… that caused massive amounts of pain…

“Tetanus booster time,” Jalil said, picking her up over the shoulder and putting her in the car, since she would definitely not come along otherwise. “And we’re stopping by at the supermarket to buy a box of tissues first. I remember how much you cried last time.”

“Please don’t bring that up,” Alix mumbled, curling up in the passenger seat. “And we’re also stopping by at Kim’s house. He’s coming along too.”

Jalil, halfway through buckling his seatbelt, stopped to frown at her. “Why?”

“Um… because if he’s there then I’ll act way tougher and not freak out this time. Because I don’t want him knowing I’m scared of vaccines.”

He nodded, still frowning. “Alright, if you say so…”

It was a lie – she wanted Kim there for _comfort_. Jalil never stayed in the room while she was getting vaccinated since he didn’t like needles either, and she didn’t want to be alone. At least it would be better to have her best friend with her. Or whatever the hell Kim was now.

They went to the supermarket, then picked Kim up, then went to the doctor’s surgery.

“I’m not scared or anything,” Alix whispered to Kim as they were being led into the room. “But um… I may break all the bones in your hand while having this vaccination, I hope that’s okay.”

He just nodded, seemingly half asleep considering that he had woken up barely a few minutes before they arrived at his house. “Yeah, it’s fine, don’t worry…”

“Good. And don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.”

She sat down on the chair that the nurse directed her to and gripped Kim’s hand tight, closing her eyes. This was going to hurt, it was going to hurt so much…

 

Opening her eyes once the pain had receded, she realized she was practically crushing his hand and quickly loosened her grip.

“It’s okay, it’s over,” he said, smiling at her. “Was that really so bad?”

“Yes!” It was no surprise to her that she was crying. “Yes, it was so bad! Why do people always say injections don’t hurt? They DO hurt! That hurt, Kim!”

She furiously wiped the tears away from her eyes with her sleeve, but it was no use. Vaccinations just did something to her. It was like they were injecting the concept of fear itself, right into her bloodstream.

“I hate vaccinations too,” Kim admitted. “I always have to hold Max’s hand, and um… I usually end up crying too…”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

Oh… thank goodness. He understood.

“Thank you for being here,” she said, her tears starting to subside. “I’m… yeah, fine, I’m scared of needles. But don’t even think about telling anyone. And also thank you for not laughing.” She held his hand a little tighter, even aware through her fear that his face was slowly going rather red.

“Oh, um, it’s no problem! Of course I wouldn’t laugh! We’re best friends, right?”

Best friends? But he obviously liked her! Why wasn’t he doing anything about it? Was she not being clear enough that it was okay with her?

“I’m just gonna keep holding your hand,” she announced.

“Um, okay!”

His face was the same colour as his hoodie now. Jeez, how obvious could he get?

“And let’s go get ice cream together,” she said.

He nodded. “Sounds great!”

Phew. Hopefully he wouldn’t take too long to realize what she was up to.

 

 

Nath and Lila met in the library again, as they had started doing almost every day now to lament together over their impossible crushes. This time, however, Nath was feeling a lot more devious.

“I have a plan to teach those two a lesson for cheating,” he said to Lila. “A little surprise for them in the final chapters of their stories. We’ll see what they think about that.”

“What is it?” she asked, an equally devious grin spreading over her face.

He leaned forwards and whispered it in her ear. Her grin spread even wider.

“That’s just evil. I love it.”

“So we go with that?”

“Yes, we do.”

“Nice.”

This was going to be so great, he just couldn’t wait to see Kim’s reaction, only about a week to go now…

“Oh, and another thing!” Nath said quickly. “Since we’re close friends now, I thought I should just come out to you and say it… I’m ace.”

Lila gasped. “Really? I just realized recently that I’m ace too!”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes! Alix brought it up so often that I looked it up, and well…”

“Same here, except with Kim!”

“Wow, what are the odds of _all four of us_ being ace?”

“It’s crazy! It’s almost like…” He stared off into the distance, thinking. “Almost like, as if our life was a story, and the author was purposely making everyone ace to overcompensate for the lack of ace representation in media, since they’re ace too…”

Lila laughed. “That is so far-fetched.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He shook his head. “Never mind. Anyway, back to business.”

“Yes, back to business.”

They got back to their work, putting their devious new plan into action.

 

 

 

Kim couldn’t help feeling weird, being at the zoo with someone other than Max. The zoo was just… that place for him. The place where he went with Max. And that place where he’d been chased down by an angry akuma once, there was that too of course…

“So where’s this iconic panther that you challenged to a race?” Alix asked, looking at the map on a signpost next to them.

“Oh don’t worry, I know the way…”

He turned around to see Marinette and Alya looking at one of the enclosures together. They spotted him and waved, walking over.

“Kim!” Marinette squealed, so excitable as usual. “So good to see you here!”

“I hope you don’t challenge any panthers this time,” Alya said, winking at him.

“I hope he does,” Alix said. “I wanna see this for myself.”

Kim tried to push the memories of Animan out of his mind. “Trust me, you really don’t…”

“Anyway,” Marinette said, “we’ll hopefully see you later. Alya’s sisters are in the play area and we have to go check up on them now. See you later!”

Kim waved at them as they walked off. While he often stopped by at Marinette’s bakery, he hadn’t seen Alya much at all these holidays. They simply didn’t cross paths very often.

“Kiiiiiim. Show me the panther.” Alix was poking him in the arm.

“Alright, fine.”

He reached into his pocket to get the interactive map on his phone…

Huh. Where was his phone?

 

 

“Marinette, why did you steal his phone?!” Alya screeched.

“I don’t know I don’t know! I’m sorry! It’s just a bad habit now!”

Alya facepalmed. “Well, you’d better give it back as soon as possible.”

The phone in question buzzed with a new message. Marinette glanced at the screen. “It’s from Nathaniel… I didn’t even know he and Kim knew each other. Something about a… penultimate chapter. Penultimate chapter of what?”

“I don’t know, but it sounds like a scoop! Maybe Kim commission Nath to write him a fic or something – let’s go ask him!”

Without waiting for an answer, Alya grabbed Marinette’s arm and pulled her along.

 

 

Kim, meanwhile, had emptied out all his pockets and was still searching.

“Maybe you just left it at home,” Alix said, yawning.

“No, I definitely didn’t! I had it with me, I swear, I–”

“KIM! WE FOUND YOUR PHONE!”

He turned to see Marinette and Alya running towards him, waving his phone at him. They thrust it in his hands.

“What does Nath mean by penultimate chapter?” Alya asked, her eyes gleaming with the same spark as when she was about to go chase down an akuma villain for a story.

“Nothing, just some stupid challenge,” Kim said quickly. Hopefully they hadn’t read all his messages, had they? Otherwise they’d know everything! Why couldn’t Nath just have called instead? That would have been so much better!

“Is that all you’re telling me? Fine, but I’ll figure it out soon enough! Come on Marinette, let’s go see my sisters, then we have to go ask Nath what’s going on…”

They both ran off again.

“So Nath knows about the challenge?” Alix asked. “I’m not even surprised, a show-off like you wouldn’t be able to hide it from anyone for long. And speaking of showing off, I have to see that panther!”

“Oh, fine!”

He loaded up the interactive map, and they followed it to the panther enclosure. Sure enough, there was that panther – the same one as last time.

“Go challenge her to a fight!” Alix said, pushing him forwards.

He stepped up towards the glass walls. The caretaker wasn’t inside this time – Alya’s dad, apparently, though he hadn’t known it last time.

The panther looked up at him and suddenly roared loudly.

Kim backed up immediately, so fast he tripped over and landed rather painfully on the ground. Oh, that panther! Scaring him on purpose, in revenge!

“You okay?” Alix asked, holding out a hand to help him up.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I – OW!”

He had tried to stand up, only to discover that he couldn’t put any weight on his right foot.

“You’re not fine,” she said.

“I am, it’s just a twisted ankle, I need some time to recover, that’s all. Happens in sports games all the time.”

The panther snarled at him again.

“Um… let’s get out of here,” he muttered.

“But your foot–”

“I’m fine. I don’t really feel like hanging around this panther, no offence. Bad memories and stuff.”

He started to limp off. The next thing he knew, someone had swept him off his feet and was carrying him away.

“No offence to you either, but I’m not letting you walk with a twisted ankle. And for the record, you’re way lighter than I expected. Even this tetanus jab in my arm the other day isn’t stopping me.”

Wait a second… was Alix carrying him? Tiny little Alix? _Seriously?_

Oh great, and now his brain wasn’t working at all. All he could do was internally yell at himself _OFF-LIMITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

And of course, he wasn’t even listening to himself. More like just internally combusting.

She put him down on a bench, saying, “Wait there, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Well where else was he going to go with a twisted ankle and a brain that was on fire? All he could do was sit there, ignoring the pain, trying his hardest to stop feeling so stupidly flustered. It really didn’t work. The longer he waited, the more he couldn’t get his mind off the fact that _Alix had literally been actually carrying him in her arms–_

“Here you go,” she said, returning with a glass of what looked like a milkshake or smoothie or something. “If we’re gonna rest here, we may as well have something to drink. Don’t worry, we can share. There’s two straws.”

She was sharing a drink with him? Oh, for god’s sake. There was no way he was going to survive a day like this.

“You alright?”

She was waving a hand in front of his face now. He just nodded, not even daring to look directly at her.

 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Kim was mostly too busy freaking out to remember much of it, and all he could hope for was that he hadn’t behaved too stupidly. His life was already a disaster even without all this. Why had he agreed to go to the zoo with her again?

Their seventh meetup was that very evening, and it was almost too much. As usual, they read each other’s stories – Kim having made up his mind that next week he would tell her the truth about cheating on it – and then had their weekly sleepover.

That was a blur too. They played a few card games, did a few more stupid challenges like last week, then watched movies until they fell asleep.

It was only in the morning after waking up that Kim realized they had fallen asleep _leaning on each other._

Yep, that was way too much for him. Time to go home and scream into a pillow for five hours.


	9. KIM OH MY GOD TAKE A HINT, YOU'RE NOT EVEN THE ARO ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *doesn't swear in real life*  
> also me: *drops f-bombs into fics like they're nothing*

As soon as Alix had read the final chapter of the story that Lila had sent her during the next week, she went over to her house and tried to kick down the door.

“LILA TRAITOR ROSSI, WHAT THE _FUCK_ DO YOU MEAN HE DIES AT THE END, YOU–”

Lila opened the door, grinning rather suspiciously. “Oh, so you read the final chapter!”

“Yeah, I read the final chapter, and I wanna know what the hell you think you’re doing.”

Lila giggled, ever so annoyingly. “Yes, I know, I killed Kim off at the end of it. But this way you can get revenge on Max for starting all this in the first place! I know you were annoyed at him for it! Get him emotionally invested, and then BAM! Tragic downer ending.”

“No, I think the fuck not,” Alix snapped. “I’m not having this. Rewrite it and make it a happy ending.”

“Hey, if you don’t like it then just rewrite it yourself, babe.”

“Yeah, you know what? I will write it myself then. But not as a fic. In _real life_ , ‘cause this stupid slow burn has been slow enough, dammit.”

She slammed the door and stormed off.

 

 

 

The eighth and final week’s meeting was a few days early, since both of them had “finished” their fics already. As usual, it was a sleepover. It was going to feel weird not having to do this anymore from now on.

“Listen, I have something to tell you,” Alix said, not even sitting on her own chair, instead just squeezing up next to him on his one. “The whole eight weeks, I’m not the one who’s been writing this stupid fic. I hired Lila to write it. And now she’s gone and just killed you in the last chapter, well I’m not having that, so whatever. I don’t even care about the stupid challenge anymore, okay? You can win if you want, I don’t care.”

It took a few seconds to sink in. She had been cheating on the challenge too?

“I literally did the same thing,” Kim admitted. “I hired Nath to write my fic, I didn’t wanna write it myself! And now he’s also betrayed me by killing you off in the last chapter, so…”

She started laughing. “I bet they were coordinating, they must have done that on purpose!”

“So I guess this challenge was a failure for the both of us… Wait until Max finds out, that’s gonna be wild.”

“Well it’s a good thing he gave us this challenge in the first place or otherwise I’d never have known how cool you are!”

She was sitting so close to him now, practically draped over him as if he were the chair himself. He tried so hard to ignore it, but how could he possibly ignore that, now that his face was on fire again, and his brain had stopped working, and…

“Um, you’re cool too,” he managed to say. “And I feel bad that I wouldn’t have admitted that like eight weeks ago, but yeah…”

“Aw, thanks!”

Now she put her arms around him in what seemed to be a half-hug. He hugged her back ever so slightly, but considering how much it made him want to just pull her close and cuddle, he kept his distance. This was just killing him – it was so, so, so _killing him…_

“So anyway dude, can I tell you a secret?”

He nodded.

“Cool. So um, I’m pretty curious about some things, and there’s this guy I guess I like. And he’s awesome. But I honestly have no idea what I’m doing. I’m 100% sure he likes me back and I’ve been trying to get him to notice, but the stupid idiot won’t take a hint, like goddamn.”

Oh… she liked someone else already. So not only was she off-limits, he’d never had a chance in the first place. Whatever. It was probably someone really cute, like Adrien. Everyone loved Adrien. Kim tried to ignore the painful feeling in his chest.

“And the thing about slow burn,” she carried on, sounding almost annoyed, “is that like, okay, no matter how slow you’re trying to light a fire, eventually it’s gonna light. That stupid piece of shit twig is gonna burn no matter how long it takes.”

Yeah… it had to be Adrien. Adrien was oblivious to everyone’s advances, it must be him. And he was a hot blonde, how could anyone not like him?

“…And this idiot guy’s obliviousness has got to end somewhere, right? I didn’t spend the past several weeks getting to know him just for him to go and _blank_ me, ‘cause honestly I’m at the end of my patience now and that stupid slow burn twig is gonna burn whether he likes it or not.”

Kim winced slightly, his voice finally working enough for him to say something. “This guy… it’s Adrien, isn’t it?”

For a few seconds she just stared.

“Kim, are you fucking serious?”

He blinked. “Um… is it not Adrien?”

She stared in disbelief for a few seconds more. Then she just grabbed the front of his shirt, pulled him down towards her and pressed her lips on his.

He was too shocked to move. There was no way this was really happening. This was a dream or something, he would wake up any second now, or maybe he was hallucinating, or–

Only a second or so later she pulled away and snapped, “I was talking about YOU, you utter IDIOT!”

Really? Not… Adrien?

“God, I know I’m oblivious too, but don’t think I didn’t notice you blushing all the time and being generally lovestruck, jeez! And for the record, I have no idea what I’m doing whatsoever when it comes to stuff like this so I’m just winging it.”

He was still freaking out too much. Far too much. This couldn’t be real. It just COULDN’T.

“S-same,” he managed to say.

“I’m serious. Until like 20 seconds ago I had never even kissed anyone.”

“Me neither…” And that was about as much talking as he could do, as his brain had gone back to just running around screaming now. Nothing felt real. His heart rate was so high he could hear it beating in his ears.

“Oh good, so this is new for both of us. Well let’s hope it doesn’t end up a mess.”

A mess… Anything Kim touched turned into a mess. He was practically notorious for it. But hopefully this time, maybe just for once, things would work out?

Rather shakily, he put his arms around her waist and pulled her in close. It was everything he had wanted to do, and now he had the chance to, and it still didn’t feel real. His brain was _melting_. And then she kissed him again – very tentatively, yeah, she had no idea what she was doing…

It didn’t matter. They could take it slow. They had the whole night, after all. He threaded a hand through her messy hair, kissed her deeply, allowed himself to feel every pining emotion he had been pushing away for the past several weeks. It all washed over him at once – and he never wanted this to end.


	10. oh worm????????????????????

Max stared at his friends, a sense of dread flooding through him. There they were – clinging onto each other, making out _in the middle of a busy airport_ of all places, having just told him their utterly ridiculous story as if it was no big deal.

He sighed.

“This plan… the challenge I gave you… is like anime.”

Kim paused to frown at him. “Explain?”

“It was a mistake.”

It was impossible to fully describe in words. He hadn’t intended for this to happen – he had just hoped that they would start getting along! And now look at how things had turned out! Oh, and now they were going to be even _more_ annoying, weren’t they, more annoying than they had been when they were at each other’s throats the whole time, because now they still would be but in a much more embarrassing way, and everyone knew two ticking time bombs like them wouldn’t last long together and would end in a spectacular deadly fireworks display and _oh god he was going to have to deal with their ridiculous PDA at school too and he didn’t even get high entertaining fics to read through at the end of it all because they cheated!!!!!!!_

The only thing he wanted to do was to turn around and get back on board that plane.

“Max, you okay?”

He looked up to see that – oh, for goodness’ sake, Alix was sitting on Kim’s shoulder now. _At an airport_.

Max rubbed his forehead. “You both lose the challenge… and I need another holiday…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHHHHHHHHH MY GOSH I'VE FINALLY FINISHED THIS WOW OKAY, I'M INSPIRED NOW, IF I COULD WRITE THIS, I CAN WRITE A N Y T H I N G !


End file.
